Entry 2: Going Along

Okay, I decided to go back a little further into my past before continuing with my pregnancy journey. Before my decision in 2009 to give my life completely to the Lord (because I was a half-baked Christian), I was mentally all over the place. I talked a good game, it seemed like I was someone to perhaps look up to. But I was doing things I shouldn't have (I knew better).

Long story short, I left home right out of high school (literally) and moved in with my boyfriend at the time and ended up getting pregnant with my first child (nope we weren't married). We had so many issues in that marriage, we even divorced twice. Yes, I married him two times (shaking my head). During the first time we were married, we separated four years later and I got pregnant with another man's child (my second child). Apparently we got back together and another four years down the road, I got pregnant with my third child and by this time we had gotten our second divorce. A plum mess! Seven years later I have yet another child and guess what? I wasn't married then either (rolling my eyes). I'm not by any means criticizing anyone because I live in a glass house too. BUT when you know better, eventually you should DO better. So fast forward to Ronnie and I deciding to get married...that was another thing people were talking about. Asking me, why are y'all getting married so quick are you pregnant? My answer was, "no I'm not pregnant, I've done things wrong for so long, can I just try to get it right for once?" I had been doing it the world's way, it was high time I started doing things God's way!

Nevertheless, I decided to go along with the idea. We got married, a few months later I stopped working and then I got pregnant (2013). Ironically, I was excited. But now I was getting the "aren't you too old" speeches, like I didn't know how old I was (rolling my eyes). Others were saying your youngest will be six soon, what are you thinking? Like I didn't know that either. Anyway...

Needless to say, I didn't get past my first trimester and I was trying not to feel sorry for myself but silently I was. I suddenly heard all those things people were saying all at once and it was crippling. Back to square one: no child.

I had also begun to think about what I would look like at four months pregnant then six months pregnant; it was devastating. My mind was playing tricks on me. But Ronnie kept encouraging me, telling me that "this too shall pass"...exactly what a good husband would do, lol.

Stay connected to this blog, next weeks title is "Hopeful"...#spb

#shanesepbrown #Pregnancyafter45 #faith #hope #obedience #doubt #naysayers